Moving to Hawai'i

👈🏾 Listen here!

Today is April 6th 2024 and I AM MOVNG TO HAWAI'I. That was random. I know. I’m random. Well, not really random, but to people outside of my mind…I’m random. Uhh right, well, seeing how everyone is outside of my mind, I guess I’m just random. Hehe (Michael Jackson), glad we got that out the way. Anyhoo, in actuality I’m having so many thoughts all at once and sometimes what comes out is, thought #1, followed by thought #15, and thought #15 seems random, but that’s only because you weren’t privy to thoughts #2 through #14. Soooo, yeah, yeah. I’m moving to Hawai'i.

My one-way plane ticket leaves from Florida to Hawai'i on April 18th 2024. Still feels crazy to say, “one-way” plane ticket. I’ve known about this move since November 2023, and it was confirmed January 2024, and it still does not feel REAL. Like I’m moving to where? By myself? Uhhh what in the heck is happening! The other day I was driving and it just hit me, wait am I really moving to Hawai'i bro? Oh my gosh! It’s crazy because, every once in awhile I'm going about my business and it hits me as if I’m just finding out I’m really moving. I think when I get there, and have NO RETURN flight home…THEN it will hit, like really HIT me….uhhhh you’re not going “home” because YOU ARE HOME!

Geesh.

Let that sink in…

If you know me, you know this move is BIG. And obviously you don’t know me so, let me explain 😂 . I am 35 years old and have never, ever lived alone. I’ve always lived at home with my parents and my siblings and when I went off to college, I had a roommate, and when I went off to college again (Again? Yeah that’s another story) but when I went off to college again, I had, you guessed it…I had a roommate. So I’ve never lived alone. And when I went off to college, both times I was maximum 2 hours away from home. And now at 35 years old, I’m moving to the other side of the freaking planet! A-L-O-N-E. Well, physically alone anyway. Because I’m never actually alone. Which is something God had to remind me of when I was on the plane heading to Hawai'i FOR THE FIRST TIME…for my job interview. Yeah, you heard me correctly, the first time I went to see the place I intended to pack up my whole life and move was when I went for the job interview.

Some people find it strange that I applied to a job in Hawai'i and got on a plane, to go to an interview for a job without even actually visiting Hawai'i. I actually didn’t find it strange at all. HELLO its HAWAI'I!! 😂 Also, one of my desires is to travel and live in many different countries. Ideally if I had my way, I would live for 2-3 years in a different country and just keep doing that until my husband, kids and I find a place we can not leave because we love it so much or we get “too old” and can’t live that lifestyle anymore. I put “too old” in quotes because I don’t actually think I will EVER be “too old” to live out my dreams of traveling, but I understand some do believe this…unfortunately for them. Oh and no, I’m not married, and no, no kids either…YET. But that’s my dream. Once again, another story for, another day. 😂 Where was I? Oh yes, Hawai'i!!! So the first time I went to Hawai'i was when I went for the job interview, and I took 3 planes to get there. Florida to DFW (Hi Uncle Tim, I love you), DFW to Honolulu, Honolulu to Hilo. On that second flight, from Texas to Hawai'i, I had a WHOLE meltdown. A whole one. Not a partial, 2% is healthier…A WHOLE MILK MELTDOWN. Do you hear me? Now to the other passengers, I just looked like I was sleeping but inside...ooohhh inside, inside. Lord Jesus it’s a fire! So the meltdown kinda went like this….

Looks out the window. Sees nothing but the Pacific Ocean.

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING? I HAVE BEEN ON THIS FLIGHT FOR 3 HOURS AND I STILL HAVE 5 MORE HOURS TO GO. WHERE IS THIS PLACE? WHAT AM I DOING? AM I REALLY GOING TO MOVE THIS FAR? TTHHIISSS FARRRRR? THIS FAR AWAY FROM MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, FROM EVERYONE I KNOW. BY MYSELF. GOD DID I MAKE A MISTAKE? DID I MISS YOU? DID I NOT HEAR YOU CORRECTLY? WAS THIS JUST ME DOING WHAT I WANTED TO DO AND YOU WERE NEVER IN IT?

That’s what I was thinking…and it’s in all caps because it was in all caps in my head 😂. So after freaking out for idk how long, I just heard the Holy Spirit say….“You’re not going alone. You are never alone. I am with you. And even if you had someone going with you, they could never BE WITH YOU, THE WAY I AM with you”. Welp. Meltdown shutdown! Close the whole milk meltdown factory! 😂 I won’t say that I was instantly 100% better and calm and no longer scared, but I will say, that I was resolved. Resolved means: “firmly determined to do something”. In that moment God affirmed me. He reminded me…I am not alone. He is with me. As I am writing this, the Holy Spirit just made me realize something, when God said, “I am with you”. He was saying I AM….with you. The same I AM that sent Moses to tell pharaoh to let God’s people go (Exodus 3:14). The same I AM that caused the blind to see and the deaf to hear, the lame to walk. The same I AM that answers by fire and send rain in a famine. The same I AM that filled the ditches with water even though there was no rain and no wind to show these ditches would be filled (2 Kings 3:17). The same I AM that the winds and the rain obey, because he is The Creator. The same I AM that raised Jesus Christ from the dead. The same I AM who is able to be everywhere, at every time, at the same time, all the time. The same I AM that is able to be everything I need Him to be, when I need Him to be….He is...friend, father, savior, love, protector, healer, confidant...Lord. I could go on, but you get my drift. He was telling me, not simply that He was with me, He was telling me that all of who I AM is, was with me and is with me. I didn’t even realize this until right now as I wrote the words, “I AM with you,” woah.

One thing that I am praying that Hawai'i affords me is the space to write. I am a writer. Have always been a writer. Since I could write, like actually write words in like elementary school, I’ve been writing poems and stories. I have always been a writer…but depression took that from me. Yeah, you guessed it, yet another story for yet another day 👀 …My prayer is that being in Hawai'i gives me the space to write. By space, I mean, the mental clarity, the fresh perspective, being in nature, being in a place that is slower paced and the atmosphere is just...different…I'm not exactly...I’m not sure exactly how to explain this, but I’m praying Hawai'i affords me the ability to do a lot of the things I once loved but no longer do. And I believe this will happen. This post is proof. I’m not physically in Hawai'i yet, but it has still pushed me to write. And in writing, the Holy Spirit is speaking to me.

Yo, I don’t even know if anyone is ever gonna see this post, because I’ve always wanted to start a blog, I always told myself that I’m not gonna go and start the blog until I have enough post to actually post. And why I did that was because, I have a tendency to be very excited about something, I put money for a platform and don’t actually do what I said I was gon' do. For example, I pay gym membership money and go to the gym two times, but yet them people still taking my money every month. Hmm can anyone relate? 👀 So, in order to not go down this familiar path, I told myself, until you’re actually writing regularly and have a good quantity of written works, you are not gonna go get excited about building a blog that doesn’t have any posts to post. Sooo, if you do end up seeing this, and I hope you do, because that would mean I kept my word to myself…I hope you’re not seeing it in the year 2056 😂 .

Anyhoo, this feels like a good place to stop. 🛑

Alright, catch me later.

Later Sons and Daughters.

I love you.